Tiara Green: We need to balance life with living

It has taken me some time to realize that I can’t keep putting life on hold in order to continue my education. It is something that I will work hard for, that I want for myself, but not something I should allow myself to use as a way to continue living inside myself. I love the woman I am, and the balance being alone creates for my vibe, but I can no longer use this as a way to avoid relationships with people. I have to be more deliberate in my presence; it ultimately leads to me being deliberate in who I am.

The event that put everything into focus for me was the Asia Project. It was an event that was put on by Campus Activities and Programming and DEEP (Developing Empowering Enhancing Poets) Poetry Society, in which we opened for a nationally recognized poet, Asia Samson.

He spoke words that showed adoration and appreciation for nature — words that spoke to what love is made for. Most of all, he shared with us a story about his journey into the person he is today.

He shared with us his battle with terminal cancer, and the promise he made to himself in surviving this battle. He decided that he had to be happy, that he had to spend the rest of his life being present in the moment, and taking in the blessings that every day brings. He had decided to live “deliberately,” as Henry David Thoreau would say.

With this decision, his life was placed in God’s hands and he was able to be free. Free from the day-to-day routine conventions that life tended to place upon him. Free from conforming and simply existing. He was able to take a step back and realize what life was really made of. He quit his job in corporate America and began to take his words more seriously, and now he travels all across the country sharing who he is in order to inspire other people.

One of those people happened to be me. He moved me in a way that I haven’t been moved before. His words gave me life and altered my complacency. He made me regret my timidity, the way I rationalize myself out of doing things and the way I approach new relationships. He made me scared of not living, more so than my fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.

I broke down in that theater because it felt so good to feel something, something refreshing and powerful, a renewed sense of purpose for myself and my path. It had been such a long time since I had been able to feel something other than hurt, anger, or pain. The energy in that place was amazing all around. Everyone felt it.

I had felt like leaving before my performance, but thankfully stayed. I almost left to the comfort of my own bed to fall into the worries that tend to pick at my confidence when I can’t sleep at night. I was in the bathroom practicing, and all I could think about was things that had gone wrong that week. I felt especially vulnerable that day, and had been going through a series of ups and downs, creating a cloud of depression over just about everything I did. I had felt really anxious and nervous, almost to the point of hiding. It’s not something I go through too often, but sometimes I get to a place emotionally where I need to be away from people, away from any type of interaction. It’s a place that I try to stay away from, where I can only think of the bad and feel life’s pains.

In my quest to be one of the people who live in the moment and appreciate the things around me, I have set some goals for myself.

I walk a little slower when I’m traveling through campus to enjoy the breeze, feel of the sun or comprehend the beauty of simply being.

I wake and meditate before moving in order to instill some sense of peace and calm within myself as I take on the day.

If at night I get carried away in writing, reading or discovering new music, I let it consume me. I don’t worry about needing to be asleep at a certain time in order to wake up and complete my routine.

I have come to realize that passion is sometimes something that consumes you, and you can use it to create beautiful things. So I let it.

I didn’t understand the passion of being a writer until I couldn’t sleep at 5 a.m. because I had a story coursing through my fingertips, until I was able to let myself go with a pen. I had none of the boundaries that the university classrooms tend to impose but, real raw feeling being put down for people to relate to. In writing I have been able to find my balance, my peace, and my freedom. It has opened up so many doors for me that have allowed for me to use my passion to counter the stress that school tends to place upon you.

In coming to this turning point in my life, I feel deeply that we as people are meant to be here to touch one another. We are here to help others, inspire others and love each other. You have not fulfilled your purpose if you haven’t positively affected the life of someone else.

Seeing the Asia Project that night changed my life and shook me out of not just moving, but living. By living I mean deliberately being, intentionally feeling and ultimately allowing myself to leave knowing I have purpose here.

Tiara Green is a fifth-year majoring in English.