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Sharing their stories: A candlelit vigil Oct. 6 for those impacted by domestic violence seeks to support survivors

Samantha Rhodes, Managing Editor

Nearly 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States alone, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). In one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.

The University of Toledo Feminist Alliance (UTFA) and Take Back the Night Collective want to give survivors of domestic violence an opportunity to speak out about their stories and seek support.

This support will take place in the form of a candlelit vigil on Oct. 6 from 8-10 p.m. on the Student Union front steps.

“[The vigil] is being hosted to give a voice back to people that have had their voices taken away from them,” said Matthew Evans, a third-year student majoring in sociology and women’s and gender studies as well as co-president of UTFA. “It is important to honor survivors because everyone deserves to have a voice and be free from abuse and violence.”

Evans, his mother and his sister were all survivors of both physical and emotional abuse at the hand of another family member, leading them to live in a domestic violence shelter the summer before Evans entered sixth grade. He also knows several people who are rape survivors.

“I chose to get involved with this issue because I want to make sure that bad things do not happen in vain,” Evans said.

According to Evans, the issue of domestic violence against women is improperly perceived. Rather than it being viewed as a women’s issue, Evans feels it should be considered a men’s issue because he says the men committing these crimes are the problem, not the women being victimized.

“When the vast majority of men who are good do not also speak out about rape and domestic violence as women have been doing for years, it sends an implicit message to the few men who commit these crimes that we do not care about these issues,” Evans said.

Although NCADV states that one in five women have experienced severe physical violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime, the issue clearly does not only impact women — one in seven men have also faced severe physical abuse from an intimate partner.

Lauren Merrell, a trained advocate from a local rape crisis center and UT alum, said there are many types of power and control issues that can be considered domestic violence, including physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual and even social abuse.

According to Merrell, the issue of domestic violence is everyone’s problem as it impacts not only the survivor, but also numerous people connected to the survivor.

“The truth is, it’s all of our problems,” Merrell said. “It’s a human issue. It’s our responsibility. Not women and not men, but all of us.”

The undeniable fact that domestic violence is such a big problem has led UT students to voice their opinions about the survivor vigil.

“I think it’s a really good thing,” said Bailey Snyder, a first-year student majoring in social work. “A lot of times, we think that these are just stories on the news and we don’t realize that they happen to actual people in our community.”

As a survivor of domestic violence herself, Snyder said she thinks it’s important to recognize the journey toward healing that survivors undergo afterward.

“I think it’s great they’re honoring them as survivors and not victims because it makes them feel stronger,” Snyder said. “Calling them survivors makes them feel stronger because you’re acknowledging their struggle.”

Talking to others and accepting what has happened is what Snyder considers to be the best therapy for survivors attending events like the vigil.

“For me at least, when I feel like somebody thinks of me as a victim, it makes me feel like they pity me, which in turn, makes me pity myself,” Snyder said. “Doing that every once in a while is OK, but when it’s constantly how you’re feeling, you can’t overcome it. That’s honestly the only thing you can do when something like that happens — accept that it happened and overcome it.”

The event is free and open to the public, and attendees are welcome to bring their own signs and candles.

Evans said the vigil will begin with statistics read aloud about domestic violence, followed by an explanation of how this event was spurred by the recent Title IX complaint brought against the university.

“Several people will tell their personal stories about being victimized by both an attacker and a system that is perhaps not adequate to meet their needs,” Evans said. “People in attendance will be allowed to tell their stories as a survivor, speak in honor of a friend or family member and discuss their experiences with the systems that are supposed to help them after an attack.”

Evans also said that several trained advocates will be present at the vigil for survivors to talk to.

“Resources will be handed out to ensure that everyone knows where to turn if someone they know is victimized,” Evans said.

According to Evans, students can also help survivors by listening to and believing them when they first disclose their story.

“It is important to tell survivors that it is not their fault as survivors often blame themselves for what someone did to them,” Evans said. “If a friend discloses that they were sexually assaulted or abused, it is important to remember that you should not tell them what to do or what not to do. The goal is to help them gain back power and control over their own lives.”

If you have a friend who is a survivor of domestic violence, Evans said you can offer them resources which will better equip them to decide for themselves the best course of action.

The Sexual Assault Education and Prevention Program at UT can be reached by calling 419-530-3431 and the YWCA Rape Crisis Line can be called at 419-241-7273.

Evans also said students can be more proactive in their daily lives by confronting those who are being abusive or sexist.

“The goal is to challenge the attitudes and belief systems that lead to rape and domestic violence in the first place,” Evans said. “People can confront peers who are being abusive, which entails belittling and putting down their partner, constantly checking up on them, pressuring them to have sex, playing mind games, et cetera.”

According to Merrell, “a campus the size of this university will experience 350 rapes per academic year,” making it important for students to attend events like the vigil.

Merrell said students should not view this issue lightly, and that if they have not experienced domestic violence or sexual assault, chances are they will know someone who has before they graduate.

“We want students to know how to support survivors, resources to refer them to and how to get involved to change the climate on campus,” Merrell said. “Most of all we want them to know that we are here to support them, as a campus and as a community.”

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