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Shagufta Sami: Tips for life abroad

Shagufta Sami, IC Columnist

One of the common concerns as a new student is meeting new people and making friends. Some people are not good at it, and some find it daunting to take a step outside their little bubble. It’s not easy to mingle and integrate with people for anyone, let alone for international students. It’s a perfectly understandable concern.

In most cases, if you have grown up in one place, you’ve probably made friends who are similar to you and are interested in the same things. But when you study abroad, you automatically become a citizen of the world. We become a part of the action with spotlight, an adventure to live, and have a bigger story, because you expand your worldviews. This transformation is not for everybody.

But everyone who wants to study abroad and get a good degree has to go through such a transformation. Sometimes these transformations are small, while some are huge.

To all new international students, I’m sure I know what you all are going through in these few initial months. There was this one day, I remember, where I stood in a crowd and took a heavy breath. No mom, no dad, no siblings and no friends to give me a smile of encouragement. I knew no one. All I saw around me were people speaking English, and to make it even more frightening, at a non-understandable speed. No ethics known, no lifestyle familiarity, nothing. One way to start living is to first start making friends.

To all my friends from everywhere, learn to be bold.

For all these brave souls, don’t panic. I’ve got a handful of tips for not just making friends, but for also making a lifelong circle of friends.

 

Don’t be afraid of differences

As scary as that sounds, this is perfectly OK — ideal, even! The whole point of study abroad is being introduced to different people and cultures that you have never had the opportunity to experience. Just lose yourself in the euphoria and excitement of your adventure. Accept the fact that there will be difference everywhere. The way you talk, the way you dress, your humor, your preferences, food, timing, will all be different from a local. You constantly have to work upon these differences and take them positively. You don’t have to change yourself, but don’t try to be “too” yourself and be a closed book, either. Blend a little, mix a little and try to be a part of public.

You can’t eliminate all surprises — nor should you want to — but embracing differences will make adjusting easier and quick. But this isn’t particularly easy. Not everyone is understanding. There will be those few odd people who will laugh at your accent, will not laugh at your humor and find everything you do weird. Live with it; they will learn to move on and accept the differences just like you did.

Learn to expect the unexpected, and try not to get overwhelmed. Resist blaming an entire country or culture for a few inconveniences. Remember: if you wanted to do something simple, you wouldn’t have chosen to study abroad. Buses are late and computers malfunction in the United States, too. Don’t overreact.

 

Meet locals

We know it’s comparatively easy to bond with others on your study abroad trip, but don’t discount making friends with locals. Try new things and ask plenty of questions. Get out there, participate in a language exchange program, visit cafés and restaurants and have fun with the fact that talking to strangers isn’t considered as weird in some places as it is in your home country. Don’t be just a visitor, an outsider looking in. But go to at least one dinner where you are the only foreigner and try out the local language and food. Be spontaneous and have fun!

 

You will probably be confused 80 percent of the time

Classrooms change. Materials can be available once in a blue moon. Class can be canceled and nobody tells you — or tells you why. Your final paper prompt or assignments make no sense to you. And that’s just university issues — let’s not even get into our disastrous attempts to read maps.

Many of us are spoiled by our culture of instant gratification. And no matter how many guidebooks and prep materials you read, or how many movies you watch, there are just going to be practices and situations that will take you by surprise. Tasks as simple as buying something at the grocery store will take on all sorts of challenges. Once you get used to it, though, it’ll become second nature.

 

You are bound to offend someone

Oh, language and culture barriers. You have to be prepared to make constant mistakes and feel like an idiot half the time — saying “wed-nes-day” instead of “Wednesday,” or mixing up the bring and brought. Most blunders are harmless, and people understand that you’re bound to mix up your words when you’re not a native speaker. But it might not be a bad idea to find out how to avoid saying anything terrible. Find a trusted friend and interrogate him or her on the words that are used.

Unfortunately, the problem isn’t just verbal — cultural norms vary, in terms of everything from how to correctly greet people to where and when it is appropriate to remove your shoes. Again, you’re bound to make some mistakes at first, and hopefully people will be understanding, but just try to follow the lead of others, and you should figure things out fairly quickly. You may have to resign yourself to the reality that people won’t initially see what a polite and intelligent person you are, but it’s supposed to be a learning experience, after all.

 

Become friends with your boss or professor

Talking to your elders is the best way to have a broader, higher and more mature outlook on life. You learn, stand and fall, in front of them. No one has the best advice for you than them. Give them time to understand you; it’s not easy for them either. I know when things go out of control, I have my boss who will help me with humorous advice. Just give them the opportunity. Sometimes you can be lucky enough to find a sibling in your colleague, a parent in your boss and a home in your class.

 

Get involved with something you’re passionate about

With all the newness going on, it might feel good to just participate in something you already love and bond with others on this already-established shared interest. So, get involved with a volunteer project or sports group. You can find opportunities, like joining some student organizations, writing for a newspaper, providing photography for a magazine and so on. It will feel great to meet people who share your interests and passions. Plus you already know at least one thing you have in common and can use this to break the ice.

If you already speak the language, then there is a whole host of other organizations and activities that you can join which will introduce you to new people. The University of Toledo as well as International Student Association (ISA) sponsor lots of events and trips for students, and most specifically international students. It’s a perfect platform to be ourselves and just be involved.

 

Bond over weekend getaways

So, you’ve met some new, cool folks and things are going pretty well — why not further the bond by planning a weekend getaway for your new group of friends? If no one else has offered up any ideas, make your own plans and invite others along. Ask local friends for some tips and they might agree to play tour guide. Share hotel rooms and tents, and have at least one adventure via public transportation. Do at least one thing that scares you or that you have never done before. Years later, you will nostalgically look back at photos of the night you spent camping under the stars or enjoying the beaches of California, having the adventure of your life. These new friends will have seen you at your best and your worst and they will love you for who you are.

Travel has a way of making people bond — and traveling in studying abroad helps create lifelong friendships. And that happens when you start thinking more for others. After all, there’s nothing quite like relying on another human being for your survival and your sanity, someone who will comfort you when your flight gets delayed for the third day in a row, someone who will hold your hair back when that local street food did not sit well, someone who, when you are lost will come pick you up. No matter how many years pass, in spite the home sickness, every reunion will feel like you only just saw each other the day before.

Shagufta Sami is a first-year computer science graduate student.

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