Devan Lutz: But first, let me take a selfie

How many times have you been with someone who spends most of their time documenting their every move, trying to get the best selfie? Taking away from the energy of the moment by forcing you to pose for six pictures of the two of you doing whatever you happen to be doing at that moment.

Granted, I definitely understand wanting to capture certain moments and memories, but shooting a personal documentary every evening of your life just isn’t necessary. In a time when monogamous, healthy, happy relationships and genuine, loyal friendships are practically extinct, social media, to a certain extent, has made us less connected than ever.

When times get tough in relationships or friendships these days, people just check out and find someone else instead of working through issues, when dealing with issues is what ultimately strengthens any type of bond. Having “followers” and “likes” online gives us a false sense of security, popularity and importance — feelings that are generally reserved for actual, real-life relationships, which require nurturing and a certain level of effort.

This false sense that we have unlimited options and countless “friends” has caused us to become fickle. Instead of having to work through any real-life issues or discomfort that may come up and learn how to make it work or compromise with the people we care about in our lives, we instead just think, “I don’t have to put up with this, do they realize how many other people care and are interested in me and will be there for me?”

So as we are focusing more of our energy on our virtual relationships and online interactions, we are spending less energy and time on the present, and our real-life relationships. We as a generation have already become incredibly awkward with any form of intimacy or commitment, romantic or not.

If any of the following examples sound familiar, then like most of us, your social skills and actual presence in real life has been hindered by social networks:

• When your phone unexpectedly rings and you’re too thrown off or terrified to even answer it.

Whatever they want they can text you, right? Then you usually wait about fifteen minutes, and then text them to see what they wanted.

I must admit that I am totally guilty of this myself; it’s as if I’ve gotten so used to being able to format the perfect responses and being prepared for conversations that when I’m caught off guard I tend to spaz out and feel anxious, especially if it’s an important call. Then by the time I’ve talked myself into answering the call, it’s usually too late and I’ve just missed it.

• If you send anyone a relationship or phone number request through Facebook’s new personal information request feature.

Sounds crazy, but try writing a personal message to that person introducing yourself and asking if they’re single, or if they’d like to get to know each other through texting. Because just a heads up, if you send those requests to females, they generally tend to hurt, not help, any chance you may have had with her.
Now I can’t say I have sent anything like this, but I can sure say I’ve received my share of them, and it’s just so impersonal and even a bit creepy.

• If you prefer emailing your professors, or anyone professional to talking on the phone to discuss something, even when it’s time sensitive.

Because, a phone call would just require way too much commitment, forethought. Plus, it would actually require you to be present.

Once again, guilty as charged, but I’ve been working on this and have been trying to go to professors’ office hours instead of just emailing them. Learning how to interact with people in positions of authority is a lifelong skill that we all need to have, being able to properly communicate with people in positions of authority could be the difference between you dropping the ball and missing out on future opportunities and you landing your dream job.

• When you send endless flirty texts all day and night to the person you like, tirelessly composing the perfect witty responses and even going as far as to ask your friends’ interpretations or advice on responses. But then, whenever you’re actually with your crush, you can’t think of anything to talk about, you feel awkward and you convince yourself that everything you’ve said is completely wrong.

But this is who I am behind closed doors to myself; I’m just not great at composing it in front of people. Well, then that’s not really an accurate portrayal of your personality then, is it?

If you know me, you know that I never run out of things to talk about. However, about half of my friends ask others to interpret messages or help them come up with witty responses while they’re texting the person they like, you’d be surprised how being yourself, quirks and all, is much more endearing and less intimidating to others.

These are just a few examples of the lack of social confidence that has become the norm these days, and shows a glimpse of how social media has really impacted our interactions with one another and has sadly weakened our connections, and genuine, vulnerable, human bonds with one another. With everyone portraying their ideal version of themselves online, people have become terrified of showing any flaw or vulnerabilities; it’s made people fear just being real, the good and the bad.

Bonds aren’t formed by perfect, textbook, robotic-like interactions. They’re formed from the little snort you make when he gets you to laugh really hard, which he thinks is absolutely adorable. Or from the terrified, vulnerable look that he can’t hide on his face because he just found out his grandma is sick. Those are the kind of things that create bonds and attachment to one another. Flirty texting and sending risqué snapchats to each other definitely isn’t going to keep anyone’s interests for very long, and definitely isn’t creating any type of genuine, intimate bond. This goes for friendships as well as romantic relationships.

So at the end of the day, most of those virtual “followers” and “friends” won’t be there to help you on moving day; odds are they won’t offer to give you a ride to the airport; they most likely won’t be there to wipe the tears off of your cheek when you are feeling the lowest of the low, or hold you tight on those freezing cold Midwestern winter nights.

We’re so scared to just be vulnerable and be ourselves, so scared to admit that we’re all flawed — when, ironically, those moments of vulnerability and those flaws we see in each other are what we tend to love the most about one another, and are what make our bonds the strongest. Without those, we are no longer unique, we are then basically just merely coexisting robots trying to fill a void that none of us will ever be able to fill. Cherish the way her nose crinkles up when she laughs, cherish the way he blushes, but then tries to conceal it and act tough.

Cherish the here, the now, the real moments, because they will end up being the only memories worth keeping.

Devan Lutz is a third-year majoring in communication