How to avoid malicious software on your computer

If you don’t know what it is, don’t click it.

That statement has gotten me through years of browsing without anything more than Microsoft Security Essentials. I’ve had exactly two pieces of malware hitch a ride on my computer in the 8 years I’ve owned one. Both of them I manually hunted down and destroyed without any other software. But even though I’ve had my experience with malware, I’ve never had a virus.

What people usually call “viruses,” usually aren’t viruses at all. Everyone talks about how we should all have “anti-virus,” but I don’t want to pay a bunch of money for a program that only protects against one kind of malicious software!

Commonly called “malware,” this software attempts to compromise your computer in some way, from harmless-but-annoying adware that pops ads onto your screen to awful rootkits that you don’t even know are there. I’ve compiled a list of the most common malware from least to most harmful, each with a description of what it is and how to avoid it.

Adware: This is simple stuff. Random green underlines on webpages, ads that cover the entire page you’re viewing and slow your computer down that you can’t get rid of; you’ve probably seen them before. There’s actually a really sick business in adware; there are real adware companies that advertise they’ll infect as many computers as they can with your company’s content. It’s a dirty, disgusting and questionably-lawful business. Any company that needs to infect your computer just so you see their ads isn’t worth doing business with.

Spyware: This is a close relative to adware. This is the medium to the content of the adware. Sham websites and malicious downloaded files (especially “free” music downloads) will stick one of these in your browser. There it waits silently, patiently for you to do something on the Internet. Then it invisibly reports your every move from “You’ve Got Mail” to hitting the red X in the corner. Whom does it report to? Typically, adware companies.

Browser hijackers: These ones are a little more noticeable, but they get closer to your sensitive information. A browser hijacker quietly changes the settings in your browser so you’re getting the content they want you to see. Ever notice that your homepage changed from Google to something else? You’ve been hijacked. Worse, they might be sending your data through a proxy server, which is a fancy way of saying there’s someone in the middle watching all your communications between your computer and other servers. That includes shopping preferences, banking information, even government business.

Keyloggers: Now we’re getting nasty. These little buggers are the super-secret agents to the spyware. Just as the name implies, keyloggers make a note of every keystroke you make and send all that data to someone somewhere. Who knows what they’re going to do with it. Usernames, passwords, email addresses, social security numbers — everything you type will be recorded and could be used against you.

While all of the malware I’ve discussed so far are awful, they’re nothing compared to the ones that don’t run in your browser. Real programs coded in languages much closer to the ones operating systems are coded in can do some real damage, and Hollywood of course jumped in and made them famous.

Viruses: Consider how a biological virus works. It has some genetic information, and it attaches to your cells and injects all that information into the cell. That cell then is reprogrammed to duplicate the virus over and over until it gets full and bursts, releasing even more fresh viruses into your body just to do the same thing. That’s how a computer virus works. They’re usually small little programs designed to read things like credit card numbers, or just to be a nuisance and fill up your hard drive space, or even worse (and yes, this is real), wait for a really long time until some arbitrary moment, and then use your Internet connection to send requests to the same website at the same time.

Then, every computer in the entire world does just the same thing at the same time, and suddenly that target’s website is totally overloaded until it goes down. Who would be such a virus target? Usually it’s big corporations and the government.

Worms: These little monsters get into infected systems and make countless copies of themselves automatically, and then they proceed to destroy every system file and every data file until your drive falls apart. In the old days they were limited by the tiny capacity of the hard disks and usually just filled up all of the available space, making the drives useless. Turns out having thousands of the same little file all over your system really adds up.

Trojans: These are the closest to what the computing world has to abominations. Trojans are the electronic embodiment of sin. Named after the fabled Trojan horse, these programs look like legitimate software on the cover, but once they run, you quickly find out it was something terribly different. (Or worse, you don’t.) These exist to get your financial information, use up your system resources, save contraband files to your computer (like child pornography) and generally make your life miserable. They’re deception written in code.

Fortunately, even with all these malicious programs, there are steps you can take to prevent getting them, or if you’ve already got one, to get rid of it.

I don’t like clunky anti-malware programs like Norton, and anything that dares make loud noises to let me know my computer doesn’t have any viruses is not welcome on my machine. A dash of common sense and a light scanner–cleaner combo like Microsoft Security Essentials (obviously for Windows), that only runs when you tell it to, is the best line of defense, in my opinion.

Remember, if something doesn’t look right, it probably isn’t. Staying alert and noticing those subtle symptoms when they occur is the best way to keep your computer clean.

Jared Hightower is a fourth-year majoring in communication and is a copy editor for The Independent Collegian.