Eggert: It’s OK to be single

I remember feeling embarrassed and rejected.

Flashback to Valentine’s Day 10 years ago — I had just given a valentine to a boy I liked from my sixth-grade class. I was shy and giddy with excitement. I could feel my heart beating in my throat as I watched him open it. He glanced at it and then to my demise, showed it to the other boys at the table. My sincere act was then followed by laughter from the other boys in class and then, to my horror, the girls too.

Shortly afterward, I hoped this was the worst thing that could happen and decided that I should keep my feelings to myself.

Many years have passed though, and don’t get me wrong — I’m still searching for the one.

I have watched those around me form lasting relationships and even get engaged or married, and I’ve always had an idea in my mind about my perfect relationship that will one day appear. One of my favorite movies is “When Harry Met Sally,” and I have always wanted my story to match the one in the movie: meet a guy, become friends with him and eventually get married. I’ve imagined it countless times and as I got older and headed off to college, I thought I was one step closer to finding love.

As it turns out, it was the exact opposite. At a university of nearly 20,000 people, I felt like not a single one wanted to go on a date with me. I became obsessed with the idea that I would find someone and a romantic relationship could happen if I got close to him. But it always ended the same way: “I like our friendship, but I don’t want to ruin it.”

This happened to me several times. I’d tell a guy I like him and then get rejected. It made me feel bad about myself and I started to question: What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t this working out?

After what seemed like a lifetime of going through the same routine over and over again, I have come to the realization it’s not me. I genuinely haven’t found the right person yet and that’s OK. I’ll repeat myself: It’s OK to be single. I need confidence in who I am as a person and to be on-track with my life plan first before I can even consider dating.

I need to be able to make my own decisions and I am not ready for the commitment that goes with being in a relationship. I have to make a commitment to myself to be responsible for my own happiness and not rely on romantic relationships for it.

Being around friends and family makes me feel joy. I have such a strong connection with them. I have spent years building lasting bonds that wouldn’t have happened had I been dating. I have formed memories from family get-togethers for birthdays and holidays to road trips with my friends to see plays or concerts. Those memories will last because they aren’t temporary in my life. I take comfort knowing I can go to them for anything, but I have learned that only I can provide my own happiness.

I have come to terms with looking for something which doesn’t exist is overrated. Sometimes I hear the voice in the back of my head that tells me I need more, but I have chosen to ignore it. I can be content with what I have in my life right now and focus on something tangible, like getting my dream job after college.

I am not rushing to get into the dating pool and start the rest of my life. My single years have been some of the most memorable of my life and I am taking time to do things for me. After all, I am the one living my life, not anyone else.

Amanda Eggert is a fourth-year communication major and former editor-in-chief of The Independent Collegian.

Read the contrasting opinion by Dustin Jarrett here.