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Saba: Miles apart but never at heart

Alexandria Saba, Community Editor

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We hugged one last time and when I got in the car, he shut my door for me. As I buckled myself in for the long drive home, I watched as the boy I spent so many days and nights with walked away from me and into the door of his new home.

This was one of the hardest moments of my life to just sit back and watch, knowing that I couldn’t change it. This was how our lives were going to be for the next couple of years.

Long-distance relationships are something college students hear about all the time, but don’t actually consider putting themselves through. I know I didn’t think I was going to find a boyfriend in high school that I would want to spend the rest of my life with — that’s what college is for, right? But I met my boyfriend, Paul, my junior year of high school and we’ve been together ever since.

I decided to go to The University of Toledo and a year later, he decided to go to Miami University of Ohio, and so began our long-distance relationship.

I never doubted that we could make it through the distance. I knew it was going to be hard, but I supported his decision to go away to college. I wanted what he felt was best for him, even if that meant we would be apart for a long time.

However, my friends thought differently.

My friends would come up to me and ask if Paul and I had broken up yet, to which of course I would answer that we weren’t going to break up. Why would we?

I never understood why it was even an option. It wasn’t like we didn’t have technology or cars; it wasn’t the Middle Ages. I knew we would still be able to talk and see each other, but that it would just be less than what we get to do now.

I didn’t understand why my friends were so adamant about us breaking up. When I discussed it with one of my closest friends, she would tell me all the bad things she thought could happen. Though she said she supported my decision to stay with him, I knew it was only a front and that she didn’t believe we would actually make it through college. Frustrated, I didn’t understand why they didn’t see things how I saw them and why they didn’t want me to be happy.

But that was just the issue — I learned that they did care about my happiness, but they just saw it differently than I did. They thought I would be happier with someone closer to home so I would have fewer hardships.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there are struggles in every relationship, regardless of whether it’s long-distance or not.

Another one of my friends was in the same situation as I was, but she decided to end things with her boyfriend. They too had been high school sweethearts since freshman year, but one day she just decided their relationship wasn’t worth the distance. She told me she didn’t want to try to make it work because the distance was going to be too hard.

I was shocked. I never understood how she could just let her boyfriend slip away like that.

This bugged me more than I can put into words. My boyfriend is an important part of my life and the distance is not going to change that. People often think that relationships started in high school cannot make it through the strain of the distance of college, but I wasn’t willing to give up a great person because we were going to be a little further away from one another.

I chose to fight for the relationship we had built and for the boy that I love. This proved to be hard, though, because my friends weren’t the only ones against the idea — my mom was too.

Now, I don’t want it to sound like everyone in my life hated my boyfriend, because that’s not the case. Everyone loved him, but they hated the idea that we would have to be so far apart and have to go through more struggles.

My mom wanted me to explore my options. She wanted me to have fun in college and not be tied down to one person. It was kind of strange coming from my mother, but I understand what she meant.

Yes, he was and still is my first boyfriend. But what my mom doesn’t understand is that I’m not missing out on anything. In fact, I’m experiencing everything that I want to. I’ve learned that I want to explore the world with just one person by my side — my boyfriend.

I understand that my friends and my mom want what is best for me, but I’ve found that already. I’ve found him.

One thing that I have truly learned from this experience is that you need to have the courage to fight for what you want and what you think is right for you.

I have had to answer many questions about my relationship with Paul and where I thought it was going. I had to tell people that he was leaving and my feelings on our situation. I had to make sure that people knew that I was willing to fight the miles and the lonely nights, just because he is the one.

I’ve learned that people are more willing to take the easy route, even if that means it isn’t the one they truly want. Me on the other hand — I don’t like the easy routes. I’m more than willing to have my relationship pushed to the extreme and make it out in one piece than to just quit before I have even started.

I get that the distance is large, scary and is something that I cannot control; it will always be there like a weight that won’t lift off my chest. It holds me down and reminds me that no matter how many times we talk on the phone or send a text, we are still not together.

But that only fuels my fire.

The distance shows me that my relationship is worth everything. I don’t know what I would be without Paul. To be honest, I don’t know who I would be without him either. He makes me my best self, even when he’s 200 miles away.

No, we aren’t perfect but we have been able to make it this far.

Who’s to say you and your significant other can’t?

Alexandria Saba is a second-year English major and the community editor for The Independent Collegian.

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Serving the University of Toledo community since 1919.
Saba: Miles apart but never at heart