Rinckey: My mid-college crisis

I’m halfway done with college, but I am completely done with homework. It is 11 p.m. on a Monday, and I look at the stack of books I still have to read and I cry on the inside. But English is the major I chose, and now I have to pay the price for it.

Most of the time I love reading and doing my homework, but lately I’ve been wondering if my lack of interest in what I’m doing stems from a lack of interest in the field I’ve been saying I want to go into. I made the decision that I wanted to be a book publisher when I was 18. And aren’t all the decisions we make at 18 the best? I have loved reading since I was in seventh grade when I decided the books on my bookshelf were better company than the students in my class. And in high school when everyone was talking about what they wanted to do with their lives, I just chose to be a book publisher because I like to read. But now that I’m halfway done with college, I am starting to rethink my decisions.

Rethink is too calm of a word. Panic is more like it. Is that even what I want to do anymore? Did I choose too quickly with not enough thought?

I’m panicking because I am so close to being done, but what if there is another job or a different major out there that I would be even better at that I don’t know about?

It kind of sucks that everyone is good at a lot of things, and sometimes it is hard to find a career where all those things that someone is good at are combined. Sometimes you just have to pick the thing you will do best at or the thing you want to do the most. And sometimes those things aren’t the same. If I could juggle fire and ride on a unicycle, my life would be set. I’m sure someone could make money doing that.

During the time I feel sure of what I’m doing and that publishing is what I’m supposed to go into, I still kind of freak out. I worry that I am not as qualified as other people to get internships or to get a job later.

I feel like other students feel this kind of stress too. It definitely contributes to people changing their major midway through school.

I’m not quite sure how to deal with this pseudo-existential crisis, but it kind of helps me to do research on other majors and other careers. It helps to see that I am still interested in doing those things. And when I don’t feel qualified, I look into internships and things companies expect me to know, and I go out and try to improve myself by trying to learn new things.

I don’t know at this minute whether I should change what I’m doing or not, but I know I need to get through today and this week before I can get to next year.

Morgan Rinckey is a second-year double majoring in English and communication, and she is the Opinion editor for The Independent Collegian.