Editorial: Parking woes

Welcome to the University of Toledo, where parking spots are made up and the tickets don’t matter. We, as UT students, are feeling the struggle that many students across campus have been facing the first few weeks of the fall semester. With what feels like a parking ratio of one parking spot to every 1,500 students, finding a place to park your ride can make anyone have a stress-related breakdown. As students become familiar with their class schedules and new routines during the start of fall semester at UT, we’ve got some insider tips and tricks to share with you on how to make parking quicker and easier.
Parking congestion is greater in certain parts of campus, especially on the surface lots near the core academic area. So when you arrive in the east or west parking garages, watch carefully for any students walking into the garage. Follow them at a speed of 5 miles per hour and block traffic in the garage. You have a 50% chance of them tossing their bag into the backseat and driving away so you can then take the spot they just vacated. But you might also have the bad luck of following someone who is going to take a nap or have a smoke in their car. But hey, 50% is better than 0.
The parking lots by Bowman-Oddy Laboratories and the Health and Human Services Building fill quickly every morning and regularly stay full through the afternoon. Pro tip: the UT Biology vans don’t really exist and those parking spots are for students who are running super late to class. So feel free to park there! Those spots are for your convenience. The same rule goes for the contractor parking spots by the tennis courts. UT doesn’t really have contractors and those signs are there to scare away students from those parking spots for faculty who is running late.
If you enjoy waking up at 5 a.m., good for you. If you don’t, you better get used to it, because that’s the time you need to get up in order to find a decent parking spot within walking distance to your class. If you don’t mind walking or need the exercise, feel free to park across campus at Rocket Hall or even at the engineering campus. UT’s buses come every 15 minutes and get into accidents even more often than that. So you could walk to class and get all sweaty or you could add a little risk factor to your day by putting your life in the hands of other UT students driving a large machine packed full of student sardines.

Also, don’t be afraid to honk super loud at the person waiting at a dead stop in the parking garage because they might get scared and drive away. Then you’ll have the spot they were waiting for all to yourself. You have a better chance of getting a parking spot this way than your original plan of circling each level three times and getting angry every time you get excited about an empty spot but it’s actually just a tiny car. To all the tiny car owners out there: Just park in the slashed lined areas. You’re basically the size of a motorcycle anyway.
As for parking permits, you can pay for one each semester. Or just don’t. Why pay for a parking pass that doesn’t guarantee you a spot or at least have the promise of one available somewhere on campus? Half the commuter population doesn’t have one anyway. For those students covering their license plates or parking it backwards, we see right through your half-hearted schemes.
In the end, the only solution to UT’s parking crisis is simple. Demolish all the dorms and unnecessary buildings, move everyone currently living on campus into Parks Tower and fill the rest of the grounds with parking spaces. Forget the trees. We don’t need fresh air. We want the air filled with pollution. We want to see rolling hills of steaming blacktop and white lined parking spaces. A true commuter student’s dream.