Dear future husband…

Maybe it seemed like Meghan Trainor was being impractical with her demands, but perhaps she was on to something. There are things in every relationship that may seem overwhelming to a third person, but are actually very appropriate in the situation. Whether you are in a committed relationship or want to set yourself up to be the best partner you can be for a future relationship, I’d like to offer a few tips that I wish I had known before embarking unprepared on my five-year relationship.

1) Don’t expect perfection:

In my opinion, this is the number-one killer of relationships. In a day and age where children grow up watching ‘happily ever afters’ and see countless ‘relationship goals’ memes on social media, it’s hard not to paint a picture of a fairytale romance in your mind. However, unrealistic expectations can lead to big letdowns. Go into your relationship knowing that your partner — and you — are not perfect. You both bring flaws and baggage to the table. However, your love for each other should look past these and, if necessary, help to eliminate them. See the good in each other. Learn each day. Forgive and apologize.

2) Be spontaneous: Coming from a perfectionist, especially one who hates changes in plans, this is a biggie. Monotony can lead to boredom, fights and stress. Close quarters can increase tension or draw out each other’s annoying little quirks. Mix it up! Don’t be afraid to spend some time apart. There is actually some truth to ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’ Look for new, fun things to do. This can be as simple as eating at a different restaurant, changing up the atmosphere or taking a break from the lulls of everyday life. Strive to be above the ordinary and don’t let your love become routine.

3) Apologize more than you confront: This one can also apply to life in general, not just to relationships. We are often quick to see the faults in others, while being blind to our own shortcomings. Before you call out everything your partner does that annoys or upsets you, take a look in the mirror. Put yourself in their shoes; ask yourself if you have ever done things that might make them feel the same way. It will help you to have patience and be forgiving. Experience has taught me that apologizing is a sure way of calming things down. The promise to try harder for my mistakes before I call out my boyfriend’s is also something that has strengthened our relationship. A strong couple should be able to openly and honestly evaluate each other and work with one another to make each other better people.

4) Don’t base your relationship completely on the physical aspect: While physical attraction and intimacy is an important element of any relationship, it shouldn’t be the most important part. In today’s “hookup culture,” so many relationships start off as one night stands. However, I’d like to venture to say that you are worth more than that. You deserve to be respected and loved. You should be able to set your own pace in the relationship and have your partner respect that. You should never feel pressured. Remember that you are worth more than how a partner physically feels towards you. Remember that one day you will both be old and gray and not as attractive as you once were. What will you have then if you only had physical attraction?

5) Finally, love deeply: Do the little things to show your love. Write notes, send flowers, visit. Kiss goodbye and hello. Show each other off in public. Don’t be afraid to be needy; almost always, they want you, too. Hold hands, hold doors open, be patient. Be each other’s cheerleader. Strive to support each other’s dreams. Be a shoulder to cry on or a person to celebrate victories with. Be genuine to each other and yourself. Share your faith with each other. Never go to bed angry. Most of all, make your love known. Never go a day without an ‘I love you.’ Do your best to make them happy and you’ll end up happy, too.

Alexis Nieszcur is a second-year majoring in pharmacy.