Jadlocki: Tips on long-term relationships

We sat in his bedroom giggling over cartoons and comedy specials on Netflix. The two of us already devoured the box of chocolates I bought, the mushroom, feta and garlic pizza and a six-pack of hard cider. I’m sitting next to the one I love, curled up in my sweatshirt.

It was Valentine’s Day number seven with my boyfriend, Alex. In the back of my mind, I knew we were “supposed” to be out at a fancy dinner or having some sort of romantic evening to ourselves. But the comfort and pure joy we felt, without having to go over-the-top to show it, was important to us.

In a long-term relationship, learning how to withstand the wear of time with the other person is important. This can be a challenge, but in my seven-year relationship experience, I’ve learned a few things that help keep my relationship going strong.

Do things apart

At the beginning of our relationship, we always wanted to do everything together. As freshmen in high school, we would always eat lunch together and would even go so far as to try to schedule our classes together.

Fast-forward seven years — now we’ve learned the need to do things separately. This gives us both the opportunity to grow as individuals, as well as helps make our relationship stronger.

When you grow on your own as an individual, you are able to understand yourself better. When you understand yourself, you are able to help your partner understand you too.

Do big things together

This may seem contradictory, but doing big things together, like meaningful life events, can also help to strengthen your relationship. We do a lot of little things together, like go to the movies or to friends’ parties. But doing big things together helps to show your support for each other and gives you experiences to bond over.

About a year ago, Alex hosted a catering event in Tecumseh and wanted me to come along to see firsthand what he did at one of these events. It was his first catering event on his own, and I knew it was a big deal for him. He had been working toward this for a long time, and he was super nervous to be putting on the event solo. My being there the whole time showed him that I truly support him, which gave him more self-confidence and helped our intimacy.

Communicate

This I cannot stress enough, especially when there is an argument or disagreement. In the seven years we’ve been together, we have never broken up or taken a break. Though we’ve had our share of disagreements, we always manage to say what we honestly feel and are able to talk about it.

When you and your partner get in an argument, your emotional level is always high immediately afterwards. Consequently, this is actually the worst time to try to sort things out. Wait a couple of minutes, breathe and then try and talk to your partner.

Always say plainly what you mean. Don’t dance around the issue or say “I’m fine,” when you’re clearly not. Your partner can’t read your mind, and this will only lead to more complicated issues.

Don’t rush

Especially since we’ve been together this long, I’m constantly asked questions by family and friends about when we’re moving forward with our lives — “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?”

Often, other people will try and push you into making decisions. People would always tell me: “We were married when I was your age” or “The clock is ticking.” Unless you are in a relationship with them, don’t worry about what they have to say; they have no bearing on your relationship.

You have plenty of time to do these things, so take your time and do things at a pace you’re comfortable with. We, for example, are both waiting to get married until we feel stable in our financial situations.

These four tips have been life-changing for me. They’re things Alex and I have been working on, and we’ve found they dramatically improve our relationship as time goes on. Give these a try, and I guarantee they’ll work for you too.

Torrie Jadlocki is a fourth-year majoring in communication.